Dear Shepherdess: During the annual council in October of each year we plan meetings for the women in attendance. It is a happy time for us, of renewing friendships and seeing how the gigantic machinery of the church operates.
Mercedes Dyer, Herman Johnson, Ruth Murdoch, and W. G. C. Murdock, all from Andrews University, were our leaders in a very worthwhile workshop on the Human Potential last fall. We were greatly enriched and blessed as we were challenged to stretch ourselves, to set goals and achieve results, to improve ourselves physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually.
I asked Mercedes Dyer to write some thing so all of us, including those not in attendance at the workshop, could enjoy some of her thoughts. Also this month I'm including an interesting piece taken from the Southern New England Minister Communique. It's in the box on the next page. With love, Kay.
TOO OFTEN we worry about the impression we make, the roles we should play, the image we must reflect. We become preoccupied with reputations. We want to project the right influence in order to support our husbands, our church, and our role as a minister's wife. This eventually becomes a burden, and we tire of the load.
Instead, our concern should be people. We need to concentrate on being channels through which people will be drawn to Christ. Our involvement must be with people.
Our families, church members, and community neighbors all have human needs. They long to be recognized, listened to, understood, cared for, appreciated, and loved. We can meet those needs by sharing ourselves with them.
It is not necessary to tell others all about ourselves. But we can recognize them by giving them our full attention even for just a moment. We should notice persons individually and observe their nonverbal, as well as verbal, language. If someone is cheerful, head up, and spontaneous in body movements, with a quick alert step, we can look directly into this person's eyes and say, "Today is a good day for you. You look so happy. I'd love to hear what's happening in your life to bring you such joy. Would you care to tell me?" If someone is obviously preoccupied, head down, facial muscles drawn, restrained in manner, we can say, "Hello, today isn't your best day, is it? Something must be worrying you. Could you tell me about it?" Noticing individuals for what is going on within their world is a way of recognizing them. We may become sufficiently perceptive to do this.
Just to recognize a person may not be enough. We need to listen. Feelings, as well as words, call for our response. When talking to people we should look directly into their eyes, keeping eye contact. They probably won't reciprocate, but if we would strive earnestly to capture their innermost feelings we must pay attention to their eyes. Eyes are the most expressive part of the body. We should also try to perceive what their whole body is saying. Good listening encompasses the language of the whole being. It helps us empathize with people—try to feel how we would feel if we truly were in their situation.
Aside from being recognized and listened to, everyone wants to be under stood. It is painful to feel deeply and not be understood by anyone. This is real loneliness. Our response to people should convey that we sense their feelings. We should reflect verbally and accurately the emotions expressed. Then they know we sense where they are emotionally. Whatever the emotion is, we can reflect it back. Here is an ex ample. "You are frightened that some thing is wrong? Is that what you are saying?" When we know that someone understands our feelings, we are relieved. We do not have to carry our bur dens alone. We have shared them, and that makes the weight lighter. Often hearing them reflected or paraphrased back gives perspective, and one knows how to go about taking steps to care for the situation.
But understanding is not always enough either. Persons must feel cared for, appreciated, and loved. This means we may need to go a step farther. We have to follow through to help them take the appropriate action. Then, in a day or so, we can telephone or send a card or short note. We can express in a few words that we understand. We care. We appreciate their struggles, pain, disappointment, or whatever emotion has been expressed. We may let people know they are specifically mentioned in our daily prayers. We can invite them to join us in prayer at a specific time. Though physically not together, we may be united in our communication with God for strength and courage to do as He indicates.
People are important. Personal, individual, undivided attention, even for just a moment or two, can help others know that they are important to us. This helps them feel important to God. Our heavenly Father watches over each of us. He cares about us. He has provided for our needs. He longs to have us trust Him. He observes, hears, understands, appreciates, and loves us. Let us reflect Him in our concern for others and thus lead them to a closer relationship with Him.
